When I left home, I think part of me envisioned the move, the drive, the whole thing as an epiphany waiting to happen. I actually expected the relocation to refresh me, and just somehow make things better. What I've come to learn however, is that it wasn't the location that needed to change, it was me.
It's only been two months since I've been gone, and I know that's a short time to expect miracles, but I say when your right your right, and there's no point delaying admitting it. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, a lot. I enjoy the lifestyle, being active, going out and doing things. I've loved spending more time reading and biking, talking and hiking. I've enjoyed learning new things, and I still look to the drive here as one of the best times of my life.
The point of that last paragraph though is that the things I'm doing, the things I like here, have nothing to do with being here. Yes, being around new people and new places kick-started my own new perspective on myself, but none of the things I've enjoyed the most are limited to here. I can have them anywhere. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I can enjoy those same things, because they're me, they're a part of who I am, or hope to be.
So I guess it has helped to move, in that I could get a new perspective. But when I left I was asking myself how to look at the world differently. How do I view this life and see it better, or more clearly? The reality is though, I simply needed a new perspective on myself. How do I view myself better, and more clearly? How do I make myself what, and who I want to be. It isn't where I am that counts, it's who, and it's how.
With that idea in mind, I can start asking the right questions now at last. What do I want? What will I do with this gift God gave me? As far as I can tell, this is my one and only chance at this, and there's no point not taking advantage of it. I need to ask myself the questions, and then find what, and who, and where will make me happy, and then get it. Don't wish it, do it. Don't want it, be it. No more daydreaming, leave the dreams for when I'm sleeping, the day has to be for living...somehow, somewhere. Anywhere. To quote a Green Day song, " I've been waiting a long time, for this moment to come. I'm destined...for anything at all".
That's really all I have for now, and it's not much. But it feels like a start. As I write that, I'm wondering how many times I've said it before, but everyday is a new beginning I suppose. Love to all...
I've been meaning to comment on this post to tell you I like it, and am just now getting to it. I wish you blogged more often! I think we often have to go somewhere else to figure out what we could already do where we were to start with - we can't always see very clearly from our normal habitats. Kick-start is a good expression, because though you could do all those things here, you weren't, and now you are. The trick now is to make sure you know how to transfer all that back to here.
ReplyDeleteLoveya!